Heart and Yummie

Writer / Director Gregory Orr's evil cloning film 'CLONED: The Recreator Chronicles' begins with Craig (Alexander Nifong), his girlfriend Tracy (Stella Maeve) and his number one boy Derek (Jamal Mallory McCree hopping on a rowboat to have some fun in the wild in the form of camping. It doesn't take long to recognize that as far as girlfriends go, Tracy is not a very good one. She's bitchy, self-important and whiney, and most importantly she doesn't seem to be all that crazy about her boyfriend, who admittedly seems a little low on backbone. Also Tracy doesn't understand the basic concepts behind camping. For instance, Tracy has to go to the bathroom, but instead of going in the woods as any reasonable thinking person would understand while camping, Tracy breaks into the plush cabin of a wealthy couple, who aren't home at the time, walks around a bit, grabs some reading material, then casually squeezes off a few in their toilet. What kind of person does something like that? Tracy, that's who. About that couple that owns the cabin they're kind of dead in a way sort of. There was this weird storm, electricity zapped something on this island and the next thing you know Dr. Frank Miller (John de Lancie) and his wife Elizabeth (Laura Moss) are being replaced by newer, better versions of Dr. Frank Miller and Elizabeth. Say what? How did that happen? Back to our trio of young people, all three of them are now illegally cohabiting in the cabin because Derek is afraid of lightning, even though he's slated to go to Afghanistan in a few weeks. Then they had the misfortune making the acquaintance of the murderous versions of Dr. Miller and his wife, and it looked to be all but over for them, until they were rescued by themselves. Getting a little weird, isn't it? Back to the FCU Let Chris know how Wrong He Is Don't Be Square... Like Totally Twisted Flix! Obviously Craig, Tracy and Derek are freaking out since they are now occupying space with these almost perfect copies of themselves. Almost perfect. You see these copies are just a little bit better. Smarter, stronger, faster, funnier and they've retained all of their memories so they know everything that our kids have done that is stupid or wrong and they can improve upon these foibles. For instance Original Craig is bit of a wimp, where New Craig is forceful, willful and strong and doesn't have any of Original Craig's self-worth issues. New Derek is almost completely disgusted with Original Derek and his vast intellectual shortcomings, but we gotta admit that New Tracy seems a lot nicer than Original Tracy. Despite the fact that everybody seems to be getting along at the moment, the clones know that this can only end one way since the originals have the lives they need, and the originals are clearly aware of this as well. Outmatched physically and intellectually, I'm not liking the originals chances of getting off this island. **located at film critics united**