Thank You for Smoking

Nick Naylor (Aaron Eckhart) appears on Joan Lunden's daytime talk show, along with a doctor, a senator's aide, and a teenage boy with cancer. As he's introduced, the audience spits at him. The screen freezes, spittle in mid-air, while Naylor explains what he does for a living in a voice over. He works for the Academy of Tobacco Studies, and he represents Big Tobacco. The Academy is supposed to research links between disease and smoking and has never been able to find anything conclusive in 30 years of research work. Naylor fronts an organization that kills 1200 humans a day. Atilla killed 5 million people, Genghis was at 30 million, and the tobacco industry is at 30 million and counting. Captain (Robert Duvall) is the founder of the Academy for Tobacco Studies. On Joan Lunden's show, he takes the offensive position. He protests that in no way would he want a potential customer to die and accuses the doctor of profiting off cancer patients. His immediate nemesis is Senator Ortolan Finisterre (William H. Macy), a Birkenstock-wearing Vermonter whose office is decorated with cheese and bottles of maple syrup. Senator Finisterre wants to plaster a graphic skull-and-crossbones picture on every pack of cigarettes. Naylor and his friends, firearm lobbyist Bobby Jay Bliss (David Koechner) (spokesman for S.A.F.E.T.Y (Society for the Advancement of Firearms and Effective Training for Youth)) and alcohol lobbyist Polly Bailey (Maria Bello) (the woman who got the Pope to endorse red wine), meet every week and jokingly call themselves the "Merchants of Death" or "The MOD Squad". Through all of this, Naylor is also trying to maintain a relationship with his son Joey (Cameron Bright). Naylor teaches Joey that no matter what position one has in a debate, if you argue correctly, you will not be wrong. Naylor's boss BR (J.K. Simmons) wants ideas on how to make smoking sell. "We don't sell Tic Tacs, we sell cigarettes. And they're cool, available, and addictive. The job is almost done for us." Naylor has the idea of product placement in movies. BR did a tour in Vietnam and all the men who know what BR stands for, are dead. He takes Joey on the trip to Los Angeles to meet with an agent about putting more smoking in movies. Naylor is divorced, and shares custody of his son. His son is rather uncomfortable with his father's profession, but Naylor is as great arguing with his son as he is with the press and starts to win him over. Naylor portrays himself as being on the side of freedom and personal choice. On a side trip, Naylor takes a briefcase full of cash to the original Marlboro Man Lorne Lutch (Sam Elliott) who is dying of cancer. There are no strings attached; Lutch can just keep the money. A suspicious Lutch asks why he can't just go to the press. Naylor suggests he do exactly that and recommends which reporter to talk to. Lutch can go on TV, denounce the tobacco industry, and donate the money to a worthy cause. But, if he denounces them, he can't keep any of the blood money. Naylor leaves, confident that Lutch will keep quiet. Back in DC, he debates Senator Finisterre on Dennis Miller's show. A caller threatens Naylor with death for being responsible for millions of deaths. Naylor brushes the threat off, but he's kidnapped. The kidnapper (Jeff Witzke) covers Naylor in nicotine patches and leaves him naked in the lap of the Lincoln Memorial. Awakening in a hospital, he learns he has survived due to his high nicotine tolerance from heavy smoking, but he is now hypersensitive to nicotine and can never smoke again. Naylor is interviewed by a reporter Heather Holloway (Katie Holmes) for a Washington paper but ends up seducing her. He's confident of some positive press but is shocked when she gives away all of his secrets. She was having sex with him to get the story. She tells about the hush money to Lutch, the movie deal, and his weekly meeting with the MOD Squad: The Merchants of Death, gun, and liquor lobbyists (there's a funny bit where he one-ups them on how many people his industry kills). The Academy distances itself from Naylor, who is shattered for a while. Some supportive words from his son inspire him to fight back. He reveals that the reporter was having sex with him to ruin his career and agrees to appear in front of Senator Finisterre's committee. He comes out swinging again, and admits to the dangers of smoking but argues that public awareness is already high enough without extra warnings. He emphasizes consumer choice and responsibility and claims that if tobacco companies are guilty of tobacco-related deaths, then perhaps Finistirre's state of Vermont, as a major cheese producer, is likewise guilty of cholesterol-related deaths. When asked if he would let his own son smoke, he points out that his son is under 18 and that would be illegal. Pressed for what he would do on his son's 18th birthday, he says that if his son wants a cigarette, he'll buy him one. Outside the hearing, BR offers him his job back, but Naylor turns him down. Shortly thereafter, the tobacco industry settles for billions and the Academy is shut down. He also mentions Heather was humiliated upon being terminated by the paper for her article and has been reduced to a cub reporter handling weather on a local news station. Naylor supports his son's newfound interest in debating and opens a private lobbying firm. The MOD squad continues to meet with new members that represent the fast-food, oil, and biohazard industries. Now Naylor runs an agency called Naylor Strategic Relations and consults cellphone industry representatives concerned about claims that cellphones cause brain cancer, he narrates: "Michael Jordan plays ball. Charles Manson kills people. I talk. Everyone has a talent." The film is also filled with absurd little cutaways. Naylor has a weird fantasy where's he's starring in a hotel safety video. The gun lobbyists have some trouble with the Senate metal detector. Naylor imagines other industries that can use help, like seal clubbers.